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You belong to me 

There’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic in this cruel world. There’s no shame in wanting someone to love and be loved in return.

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A slightly unusual morning 

We’re too scared and worried too much about the future that we forget to live for the present. Today I figured out that if you’d want to find a man who you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life with then you, at the same time, should become a women who that man wants to spend the rest of his life with. It’s equality. It makes so much sense. Sometimes I get so lost in bunches of questions and the confusion is huge that I don’t know where to start to untangle all the messes in my mind. Think about something more meaningful, more creative to do than just the usual job I’m doing. Self development. Find something inspirational to do. Something that’ll push me to work harder and harder till I’m exhausted but then will eager to come back the next day with motivations and ambitions to reach a higher place. I’ll forget about all the bullshit that’s holding me back, all the “it’s time to get married and settle down”, all the “no men is perfect so just pick someone and get it over with”. No. No. A million times NO. Whatever. If someone is meant to be with me, he’ll show up one day. And I want to be the best self of me when I meet him, and I expect the same from him so we won’t have to go and look any further. We’re all self motivated. We’re all independent who looks for the other half to make ourselves whole. 
I’ll fuck it all. I’ll work hard. I’ll look for opportunities. I’ll not tie myself in any regulations, any rules, any judgements. I’ll get the passport. I’ll go travel. I’ll work my ass off. I’ll learn. I’ll be smart. I’ll earn. I’ll do things I want, buy things I want, for people I love. I’ll not be afraid. I’ll not live a tiny life. I want to expand my soul. I want it to soar. I want to feel and touch and smell and taste as much as my time allows. I’ll go far. I’ll travel and work in a place I’ve never thought I’d travel to before. I’ll meet people and maybe one day, amongst those people I meet, I’ll meet someone who’s meant for me. I don’t know and it won’t worry me too much if I don’t even though I always have such strong belief that I will. The point of life is, it’s not about the destination or a goal that you set out. It’s how you feel and what you earn during the way. It’s how you watch yourself change throughout the periods and realise that you’ve been brave, you’ve been facing all your fears and insecurities with all you have and you succeed. That’s what matter. That’s what make you you. And unfortunately no one can help you to do that but yourself. You have to go on the journey all by yourself. It’s not gonna be rosy. There’ll be rocky roads. There’ll be obstacles. There’ll be difficulties that discourage you. Don’t be afraid. Say fuck it and move forward. Imagine you’re going to see your loved ones. You’ll see them when you get over all those difficulties on the way. You’ll see them at the end of the road. Keep going. 

Be brave. Be kind. Be smart. Don’t forget to look at all the beauties in life and appreciate them. Be grateful for who you are and what you’ve got in life. Be grateful for being loved and cared for by all the people in your life. Don’t give up. You’ll get there one day. Don’t live a small life. Keep going and one day, when you look back, you can put a smile on your face knowing that you have lived a life that’s worth living for 🙏🏻

11.06am

14.9.2017

P/S: Suddenly I remember that this is the day 14 years ago I had my period for the first time. It’s cute 🙂 I’m loving to be a woman! Let’s make the most of it, shall we??

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One day, God will speed your love to me

“She loved him, with such determination and certainty, as if she always knew he was the only one for her, as if she would never know of any other love than his” ❤️LD

31.8.17

I wrote this being so certain about what I felt. Sometimes I ask myself if the love I feel is real or is it just some kind of illusion. 

The only grownup thing I’ve ever done for you was to leave you. Or did you leave me? We just stopped taking. We stopped seeing each other. It just happened, within a blink of an eye. I keep trying to see how you’re doing. You’re a very private person and once you’re gone, you’re gone. We became two strangers again. 

Sometimes I still wonder if you’re happy. My heart still aches everytime I go pass the places where we spent our date nights. Even walking on the street where you live hurts. I wonder if I still cross your mind every now and then. 

“And time goes by,

So slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?”


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Acceptance 

I accepted it as fate told me to

But in the vaguest moment with the slightest hope, I still wish it was you and me at the end, like a dream that never comes true, like a moment of de javu where you and I hold hands and kiss under a starry sky.

11.15pm

Good night, anh! 

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When you love someone

When you love someone so much that you’re gonna get cuts in your skin and willing to bleed to keep the person safe.

When you love someone so much that lying in their arms gives you so much happiness that you find it hard to sleep and you just want to cuddle the person until the end of time and tell them to never leave because that’d be too painful to bear.


When you love someone so much that their songs become your songs, their everything becomes your everything and their happiness means so much to you that you’re willing to do anything to keep that person from any worries or sadness.

When you love someone so much that even little things can make you so happy and you want to spend every little moments with that person just to do silly things together because you know you’re accepted and loved unconditionally. 

When you love someone so much that you start to pray to never be parted even though you never believed in God before knowing them.

My thoughts of you.

I wish you never left…

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Blue moon 


I found this photo among thousands of photos I have in my phone. We looked so happy and in love. The day this photo was taken is still so vivid in my mind.

My heart aches everytime I think about the day I leave this city, this country, this place where we met and had our time together. It hurts thinking about how sad I’ll be on the airplane all by myself looking down at the place where we could have been so happy together. I’ll cry. I always know that. Leaving everything behind. Leaving you and us behind. I don’t know how it is for you now but I’m still in a lot of pain. I can still not forget. When I leave, we’ll be living in two different cities, two different countries. We’ll be looking at two different moons, two different suns at different times. We’ll be even farther away from each other than we already are. That hurts so much just to think about… I know you’re not in my life anymore but it doesn’t mean you’re no longer in my heart. It’s so hard to go on a day without thinking about you. 

“And I’ll love her for life

And I’ll never let a day go by

Without remembering the reason why

She makes me certain that I can fly”

– My Valentines – Paul McCartney 

We’re now walking on two seperate paths but a big part of my heart always belongs to you. I know I love you and I don’t know why I still do and why I still have so much love for you that life without you has become the biggest suffering I’ve ever had to go through. Perhaps it’s the punishment I deserve after the things I’ve done wrong. I just wish I could see you one more time before I leave. But then that idea scares me. It scares me that I’ll get hurt even more, that I’ll cry even more, that I can’t get up from the pain. Sometimes I think that it’s ok to be without you, I still need to move on and try to be normal and keep up with my life but when the night falls and it’s quiet and I’m alone, it’s the worst time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to be myself again, the self before we met, the self before my heart knew of yours, the self before I knew you were that one person…

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Would there ever be a happy ending?

Jus finished watching “Pretty Woman”. Again. I can’t remember how many time I’ve seen this movie and I never get bored of it for some reasons. It’s over romantic. Things in the movie are not real. They can’t come true in real life. I watched it again tonight and it made me cry. I can relate to the characters so much, especially Vivian. And it made me miss him so so much. The opera. The conversations. The way both of them opened their hearts to the other person. The way they put down their guards, the masks they wore to show the other persons their true selves. The way he took care of her. The way she fell in love with him. The way they enjoyed each other’s company. They got on so well. It made me miss him so much. We used to be like them. I was carefree. I laughed all the time, even at silly things. He didn’t talk much. He just always observed me, observed everything I said, all the facial expressions I did. To him, I was special. He cared for me while I was just being who I was and that was what he loved about me. It must have been love, but it’s over now…

Would there ever be a happy ending?

It must have been good but I lost it somehow.

I want the fairytale.

I want to be married to someone I love with my everything, with my all heart. I just don’t want to get married because it’s time to do so. I don’t want to be with someone just because I’m lonely or it’s the way people want me to be. 

I wonder if he still thinks of me sometimes. I don’t know. We haven’t talked in so long. He must have forgotten about me already. 

Today I suddenly remembered the story of the grey elephant that happened a long time ago. My cousins and I were taken out for a group photoshoot one day. It was a very popular thing parents usually did for their kids back in the day. When we were at the shop, we got to choose one of the stuffed animals to carry with us as we had to go to the park for some outdoor shots and those animals would be our photo buddies kind of thing. I chose a little grey elephant while all my cousins and even my brother and sister chose nice and cute animals. When we got to the park, I realised that my elephant was rather an ugly one and it definitely didn’t look as good as the others. However I still hang onto it and strangely, I had a dear special feeling towards that ugly grey elephant. I felt sorry for him because he was not as pretty and possibly not being chosen as much by other kids. I held him so tight the whole time and I was sad when I had to return him back at the shop. It was funny and lonely at the same time. I used to be a sensitive kid who believed in fairytales.

Will I eventually be loved by someone, just like the elephant was loved my a silly little girl that day?

Will there be a happy ending and the “and they lived happily ever after” kind of story?

I don’t know. 

I just really miss him. I’ve always wanting to be with him, be spending our evenings cuddling on the couch watching movies together.

I miss you…