It’s been so long since I last posted anything up here in this blog. “Blog”. The term suddenly sounds so distant and foreign to me. Something was once a part of my life and now has become a “so belonged to the past” object. There are things that happened since the last time I was on here and it would probably takes me a whole day to recall, remember and jot them all down. I forgot how writing used to be such a big part in my life and even just putting down a few lines, something simple and casual like what my day has been or what happened within the length of the day can always excite and brighten up my mood so much. I’m still a little girl who loves reading and writing at heart. I used to dream to become a famous writer when I grow up. I’m smiling remembering how much I wanted to write and have my books published so all children and adults in the world would read my stories and get inspired. Ha cute!
Listening to a French album by Coralie Clement, facing my laptop that I haven’t opened in months, having a face mask on, writing. Life would be perfect if I had a dog cuddling up next to me. Joking, I’m not a big fan of cats or dogs or any other animals. I love them all but the idea of having to live with those furry friends in the same house does give me goosebumps. I prefer to be in bed with a human rather than a dog or a cat (obviously). No offend to dog/cat lovers. I really do think your pets are more than adorable and I’m being totally honest.
So, I just got back from a 4 week holiday in Singapore and Vietnam and I did have a very lovely time even though many things have changed back home and I realized that they would never be the same as they were before and I would never turn back to be the same person I was 15, 10 or even 1 year ago. That’s life and I have to suck it up and keep on living even though I do get seriously nolgastic sometimes and that makes me silently cry on the inside 😦
The 4 days in Singapore were magical and I had so much fun. I love the place so much I swore I would go back whenever I have a chance. I can go back and stay there for as long
as I can and never get bored. Or will I? I’d never know. I might get bored after a week or so. I only stayed there for 4 days last time and it seemed like there were so many more things I haven’t tried and seen. Gosh, I wish I was rich so I can have a 6 month holiday, twice a year. I’ll write about my Singapore trip in other post. There are so much to talk about, and also my stories of travelling in Vietnam. Life is so beautiful when you can just cruise around and travel to all the wonderful places without having to worry about who’s gonna pay your bills back home *sigh*. I’m joking. I know the importance of working hard and treasuring the values of one’s efforts. I’m not that shallow ( I hope).
Things back here in New Zealand since I got back 3 weeks ago have been pretty much the same with before I left for my holiday. I’m still waiting (tiredly) to go to the citizenship ceremony so that I can apply for a New Zealand passport, which enables me to apply for a working holiday visa in Sweden. The procedures are time and money consuming and the wait feels like forever and all just drain so much energy out of me. I don’t want to talk about this now. Will probably do a separate post on this matter once I get any further updates.
Wow, just nearly 700 words and I’m tired down already. I’ll make the post less boring by stopping whining and posting some photos of Vietnam from my trip instead. Life is still a maze and love is still a riddle and I still don’t know how to get myself out of these exhausting circles but I’m sure I’ll find a way somehow some day. PEACE!
Bonne nuit! x
Oh, I have a poetry Instagram as well and I’ve been trying to make it look well-presented with nice photos and contents. Might share some poems on here as well when I have time.
“wow i cant wait to have my own apartment n come running down the hallway to my door in my heels after a long day at work and opening my door and hearing the sound of my keys hitting the counter and looking at what mail arrived that day and then going to the bathroom and taking care of myself and applying lotions to my entire body n applying face masks and listening to the way you look tonight by frank sinatra on vinyl n dancing around slowly while wearing nothing but my cute lace bra & undies n a dark red silky lace robe that i havent even wrapped around my body yet and making myself a snack. i cant wait to get to that.”
When you’re 25 and you’re single and free and all you want is to have your own apartment so that you can do all the crazy things you want without disturbing anyone.
You know you can’t wander around forever because your 30’s will come in the blink of an eye but then at the same time you don’t know what to expect either because life is a chain of surprising events and you never know what’s around the corner…
All I want now is someone I love and who loves me in return. All I need in this very moment is someone to cuddle and tell silly jokes with. In an early summer night, a 25 year old young girl is staying quietly in her room wondering what it is out there for her. She doesn’t know if she still believes that the one exists or if it’s always been a creation of over romantic minds. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t try to find out either.
Maybe one day, we’ll be happy in our own apartment. I’ll wrap a towel around my body after shower, jiggling along “The way you look tonight” by Frank Sinatra with a glass of wine in my hand while you’re making dinner for us. One day…
Stronger than words. I miss the nights we sat on your couch watching movies holding hands. I miss your hands. I miss your big thumb nails and how perfectly my small hands fitted into your palms.
I still remember how it felt. One day I’ll have to forget all about this. I never want to. I wish we were still together. It’s cold and I wish you were with me and warm me up.
Stronger than words. I know I’d never see you again. I miss you and us holding hands. I love you. Perhaps you never realised but I always do. I wish things went a different way. I wish I wasn’t so wrong. It’s too late for anything to be said or done. I just really miss the warmth you gave me, the sense of complete protection you always made me feel.
It felt like home to me, somewhere I belong, somewhere my soul is accepted and understood.
Have you ever missed the feeling of your bare skin rubbed against the silky duvet in a summer night when you can smell the scent of wild flowers outside your window?
I want to have that feel again. That tiny little thing makes my own existence as a human being so worthwhile.
My heart is still beating inside my chest. I’m breathing but I’m feeling like something is missing. I’m not quite sure what it is. I feel like I’m floating on the surface of a river, in an empty, absent-minded way.
I miss you. It brings tears to my eyes almost everytime something reminds me of you, or us. I’m exhausted after nights of heading out, chasing superficial joy through drinking and trying to forget and trying not to feel. I know you think I’m being stupid and in a way wasting my life. I do know myself that I am. The feels are just too strong and I can’t defend myself. The only problem that I didn’t think I’d feel this way and now when I am, I’m confused and lost and I don’t know what I have to do to shut it off.
It terrifies me even more when I’m turning 25 in 6 weeks and I can’t sill figure out how to be a decent, emotionally stable female who is able to handle a normal relationship and be happy and contented. I’m crazy and I hate myself for that. I’ve always been a mute lonely soul that never have a clue how to express to others how I truly feel.
Today on the way home from work, I saw a car that looked exactly like yours in front of me and my heart suddenly skipped a beat. Then it made me sad thinking about times when we were together in the car and I always asked to put my music on your speakers. I tried not to shed a tear as that’d be so stupid to cry over something so random like that.
And then I wish if I could ever turn back in time. You’d be the one I’d have lying next to me on that silky duvet in a summer night when our wild flowers bloom outside the window and the moon and the stars shine so brightly in the sky. And I’d be able to fall asleep peacefully again holding your thumb knowing that you’re there and you’re not going anywhere and I’ll be safe and loved forever…
Wednesday morning. A lazy morning I can sleep in or simply just stay in bed listening to music or doing nothing. And today I have a dog lying quietly next to me. It’s nice and warm in the room. I can hear Ruby breathing and her little snores. She starts listening to me and following what I say to her. It’s extremely amazing. I would never imagine I’d be so close with a dog like this. Never. Not even in my dream. But everything has changed. We like each other quite a bit. She’s cute and always been a good girl.
Lying here with 2 dogs and a person I’ve only known for a couple of weeks but I’m feeling totally safe and relaxed. It seems like we’ve been together forever and we’ll be together like this for the rest of our lives. It’s a strange situation. A situation I never thought I’ve been caught up into but look at me, here I am, in bed at a strange place with a person I hardly know. But there’s something about him that keeps me stay. His genuinity. The stories about his childhood and his father. I don’t think he likes him a lot, probably for the fact that his dad didn’t fulfill the role of a father. There are many more things he told me. I truly want to be his friend. I don’t know why. I’m not saying I feel sorry for him. There’s no point of feeling sorry for others if you can’t do anything to make things better. And he’ll surely hate me if I say I’m feeling sorry for him. No I don’t feel sorry for him. Somehow I just wanna be with him and listen to him and let him know that I understand, that he’s not alone, that he’s a fine person and he’ll be alright. That’s all I wanna do. I have no expectations for our relationship, at least for now. And I’m still happy. It takes me awhile to realize that life is not a fairy tale and sometimes the people you trust and love with your whole heart can still hurt you. So now I’ll just go with the flow. Whatever will be will be. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll one day. Live for the moment and enjoy the happiness it brings. It doesn’t mean that I give up on loving someone truly, deeply, madly. I will, when the time is right.
A strange fate.
Unexpected people popped up in my life.
I never know what’s going to happen and neither do you, right?
A silent night.
A doco movie.
A back rub.
A little touch.
A little kiss.
And life goes on. But the moments remain.
One day, years from now, I may not even remember his face and the way he looks but I’ll surely remember his little bedroom upon the attic with 2 window and 2 dogs lying lazily on bed. I’ll remember the messy floor with piles of laundry and beer bottles. The cold breezes in the morning. Birds are chirping outside the windows. A quiet morning when I was 22 and still a university student. I was wearing his tshirt with a naked girl printed on it. I’ll take a good look of everything here and make sure they stay with me forever.
An unnamed relationship.
A ginger guy with the most adorable hair color in the world.
The little dogs.
He has an appointment with doctor this morning at 9 and told me he’ll be back with me at 10. He told me that I can just sleep in and wait for him. I smiled and nodded. And I was happy but didn’t know why.
I don’t even know what we’ll be doing after.
I don’t want to know either.
It’ll be a surprise and as time goes by, I start liking surprises.
He’ll be back with me at 10.
I’ll wait for him 🙂
I went to the Navy Museum on Wednesday to ask for permission to do our filming for the interview there. It’s a part of the assignment for one of my papers at university called Media Production Workshop. I caught the early ferry to Devonport from Auckland town and had a good time wandering around and exploring the area.
So here we go. My photo diary begins with my lovely leather shoe. Quite a good start, right? Waiting for the ferry, which comes every 15 minutes. Breathing in and out the fresh air in the early morning. Listening to the sea. Looking at people rushing to their work places and wondering what the purpose of living is. What a weirdo! Lol.
Having some breakfast before the museum opened. I arrived too early and had to wait for like more than half and hour before I could step in.
And this is what it looked like inside the museum.
Lovely view outside the museum too. I would love to live in this neighborhood. It’s a super glamorous expensive area though.
Found an old bookstore at the ferry station on the way back. I can stay in places like this all day.
And then back to Auckland, had a coffee then headed to the group meeting. Nice trip and wonderful experience I collected that day 🙂
Life is full of beauties, even from the littlest things. I’m trying to keep myself busy to experience, to explore and to live my life to the fullest. Do you believe in serendipity? I do. And I believe that what is meant to be will always finds its way. Eventually all the pieces fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason!