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Tu sais je vais t’aimer 

11.5.2016 at 7.30pm

This day last year 

Exactly 1 year today

He came to pick me up at 7.30pm

We were texting for a few days before that. We decided to meet.

We both dressed in black 

He wore his black shirt

My favourite shirt of all 

I wore one of my black dresses

It was drizzling

We had cocktails and food at Bedford in Ponsonby 

I think he fell for me right on that first date 

He asked if he could see me again

I said I’d love too…


It was the beginning of our story

A short story 

Too short.

The ending came so suddenly 

I wasn’t ready for it

I never was

I never had

It was my fault

Not everything but yes, the main part, the main reason why we’re apart
I still miss him

Sometimes I wonder 

If he has succeeded at erasing me completely from his mind 

He should have 

He must have 


This day last year 

One year later 

I’m still alone

But this time

I’m alone with the ghost of him

The ghost of the man who once loved me deeply

I was out tonight

I was glad that I wasn’t staying home, being haunted by all the memories of the night we first met 

I looked at my watch at 7.30pm

Recalling the moment he got out of his car and we first greeted 

Everything is still so clear in my mind

In that moment

I could never have known 

It was him

It was always him

And it will always be him
Now he’s gone

I’m not sure where I will be, what I will be doing, who I will be with this time next year

I don’t know

I can’t know

I don’t have any expectations or hopes 


I’m missing you tonight 

You may not remember 

This night last year 

The first time we met 

The first time we talked

The first time we laughed at each other’s jokes

Everything belongs to the past now

They only live in my memory 
I hope you’re happy

I hope you meet the one who deserves your love

I didn’t realise I was loving you that much until it was too late

And I chose to stay away so that you could forget me, move on and be happy

I miss you 

A little too much

Tonight

11.35pm

… 

Tu sais je vais t’aimer

Même sans ta presence

Je vais t’aimer

Même sans espérance

Je vais t’aimer

Tous les jours de ma vie

https://youtu.be/YzjZXKzGxTU


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Tale as old as time 

I went to the movies to see “Beauty and the Beast” last night and honestly, I was brought back to my childhood and all the innocent yet beautiful emotions came back to me at the very first moment the movie started. “Beauty and the Beast” has always been my favourite Disney movie and I’ve waited for this version to come for so long. I always dreamt of becoming a princess and found myself a charming loveable prince. Which girl doesn’t anyway? I remember the first time I saw “Beauty and the Beast” – the 1991 animated movie when I was little. I was around 8 or 9 at the time and my cousin and I always stayed at his house watching movies and cartoons hired from the shop close to the house. Belle has always been my favourite Disney princess beside Ariel from “The Little Mermaid”. Watching the movie yesterday brought all the memories back to me when I was so fascinated by Belle’s yellow gown and the loving tenderness of the Beast. I love Belle not because she’s pretty. I admire her becaus of her fearlessness, her pure heart, her understanding and forgiving personality, her heart full of love and empathy, her intelligence and the constant eagerness for knowledge.


I didn’t realise how much I love the Beast until I saw the movie again yesterday. And I also understood why Belle and he would make a great couple. He lives with the great insecurity about his look, and the hopelessness about his fate, and all of the sorrows and suffering that turned him into the person he never wanted to become. He’s suffered a lot and been unkind to others because he’s also unkind to himself. His mind is complicated and messy but when he met Belle, a matching soul, who understands and helps him to unfold his heart, he suddenly became so loveable and tender. There comes a great lesson of “Beauty and the Beast”, that a thing must be loved before it becomes lovable. It’s become such a cliche when people always say that the inner beauty is more important than the outer beauty but not many appreciate the inner beauty at first when they’re not seeing a beautiful face or body. I made this mistake several times in life and of course I wish I never made them because I have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities to be with wonderful people just because of my initial judgement based on the outer look. That’s why I’ve always reminded myself not to judge a book based on its cover. Once you love someone, he’ll become as beautiful than ever and you’ll be surprised of how wrong you were before when you were not in love with that person and judged him by the way he looked. 

The thing that makes me happy the most after finishing the movie is not the fact that Belle got to married a prince and will be living a comfortable life in a castle with servants and luxurious things. The thing that makes my heart so fulfilled about the ending is that eventually she found someone who can understand and does not underestimate her dreams and visions, someone who appreciates her real beauty and does not care about her background. I love the scene when they sat down reading together, when they went out for a walk holding a book, when they shared the little yet meaningful moments together. I don’t care if the Beast is a prince or he’s just a normal fella, as long as he has a heart of love and empathy. The most important thing is that they find someone who they love and care for, who they want to spend the rest of their time with knowing that life is tough and the relationship is not always smooth and rosy but they strive to be together no matter what.


This tale somehow reminds me of “Pride and Prejudice” where the two main characters came from totally different backgrounds and misunderstood each other because of their pride and judgments on each other’s origins. However, they all end happily and I think it’s the way things should always be (even though in life they are not). Besides, the cast in “Beauty and the Beast” is brilliant, the music and  costume design are both very great. I definitely will watch it again soon and I’m sure I’ll always enjoy it.


“Tale as old as time

Tune as old as song

Bitter sweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong


Certain as the sun

Rising in the east

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the beast”

One day I’ll find my own beast and fall in love with him ❤

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The Answers

In millions of questions I want to ask in that brief moment when my whole life flashes back in front of me, would I be asking the same questions like the guy did in the movie? Would I be scared of asking about the person who’s most right for me in the whole universe or any universes there’ll ever be? Would I be afraid to ask because deep down I already know the answer and the answer scares me because I’d never have a second chance to reunite with that person ever?

When was the happiest moment of my life?

Will it be:

Walking on the beach on a beautiful day with the sun, the sand, the wind and my soul singing?

Being with dear friends, drinking, dancing, living our young days to the fullest?

The moment of realisation and appreciation that I’m doing a job that is actually meaningful?

Holding my child for the first time?

Lying on bed next to him, listening to our favourite songs in a lazy morning, loving and trusting, knowing that I’m loved and protected, seeing him smile with my silly jokes and the world out there no longer matters?

“One day,

whether you are 14, 28 or 65,

you will stumble upon someone

who will start a fire in you

that cannot die.

However,

the saddest, most awful truth

you will ever come to find –

is they are not always

with whom we spend our lives”.

  • Beau Taplin, Hunting Season