Perhaps it takes longer for me. One day I’ll find me a home, a man and a garden. One day I’ll be happy in my own house. We’ll go shopping for furnitures. I’ll arrange things in the lounge, our bedroom, the kitchen, the toilet. I’ll hang arts on the wall. I’ll make it somewhere we both want to return after a long tiring working day. I’ll learn to cook. I’ll make desserts. I’ll be a patient willing housewife. I’ll work in my garden in the weekend if we don’t go away on road trips. I’ll grow roses, lots of roses, perhaps some vegetables and herbs. We’ll maybe have a dog. I’ll kiss my man good morning and goodnight. We’ll joke and kiss and make love and talk about having kids and I’ll tell him I’ve always wanted to have children with the man I love and that man is him. We’ll take some walks then go back home, take baths together after work. I’ll light some scented candles, make life all sweet and romantic. We’ll play “The way you look tonight” by Frank Sinatra on our vinyl player and share a glass of wine together…It’ll take time for me to get there
But I’ll be there one day
I’ll find my home where I’ll lay all my trust and hope
I’ll find the man I love and whom loves me in return
One day I’ll be happy, and content and loved
There’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic in this cruel world. There’s no shame in wanting someone to love and be loved in return.
We’re too scared and worried too much about the future that we forget to live for the present. Today I figured out that if you’d want to find a man who you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life with then you, at the same time, should become a women who that man wants to spend the rest of his life with. It’s equality. It makes so much sense. Sometimes I get so lost in bunches of questions and the confusion is huge that I don’t know where to start to untangle all the messes in my mind. Think about something more meaningful, more creative to do than just the usual job I’m doing. Self development. Find something inspirational to do. Something that’ll push me to work harder and harder till I’m exhausted but then will eager to come back the next day with motivations and ambitions to reach a higher place. I’ll forget about all the bullshit that’s holding me back, all the “it’s time to get married and settle down”, all the “no men is perfect so just pick someone and get it over with”. No. No. A million times NO. Whatever. If someone is meant to be with me, he’ll show up one day. And I want to be the best self of me when I meet him, and I expect the same from him so we won’t have to go and look any further. We’re all self motivated. We’re all independent who looks for the other half to make ourselves whole.
I’ll fuck it all. I’ll work hard. I’ll look for opportunities. I’ll not tie myself in any regulations, any rules, any judgements. I’ll get the passport. I’ll go travel. I’ll work my ass off. I’ll learn. I’ll be smart. I’ll earn. I’ll do things I want, buy things I want, for people I love. I’ll not be afraid. I’ll not live a tiny life. I want to expand my soul. I want it to soar. I want to feel and touch and smell and taste as much as my time allows. I’ll go far. I’ll travel and work in a place I’ve never thought I’d travel to before. I’ll meet people and maybe one day, amongst those people I meet, I’ll meet someone who’s meant for me. I don’t know and it won’t worry me too much if I don’t even though I always have such strong belief that I will. The point of life is, it’s not about the destination or a goal that you set out. It’s how you feel and what you earn during the way. It’s how you watch yourself change throughout the periods and realise that you’ve been brave, you’ve been facing all your fears and insecurities with all you have and you succeed. That’s what matter. That’s what make you you. And unfortunately no one can help you to do that but yourself. You have to go on the journey all by yourself. It’s not gonna be rosy. There’ll be rocky roads. There’ll be obstacles. There’ll be difficulties that discourage you. Don’t be afraid. Say fuck it and move forward. Imagine you’re going to see your loved ones. You’ll see them when you get over all those difficulties on the way. You’ll see them at the end of the road. Keep going.
Be brave. Be kind. Be smart. Don’t forget to look at all the beauties in life and appreciate them. Be grateful for who you are and what you’ve got in life. Be grateful for being loved and cared for by all the people in your life. Don’t give up. You’ll get there one day. Don’t live a small life. Keep going and one day, when you look back, you can put a smile on your face knowing that you have lived a life that’s worth living for 🙏🏻
P/S: Suddenly I remember that this is the day 14 years ago I had my period for the first time. It’s cute 🙂 I’m loving to be a woman! Let’s make the most of it, shall we??
“She loved him, with such determination and certainty, as if she always knew he was the only one for her, as if she would never know of any other love than his” ❤️LD
I wrote this being so certain about what I felt. Sometimes I ask myself if the love I feel is real or is it just some kind of illusion.
The only grownup thing I’ve ever done for you was to leave you. Or did you leave me? We just stopped taking. We stopped seeing each other. It just happened, within a blink of an eye. I keep trying to see how you’re doing. You’re a very private person and once you’re gone, you’re gone. We became two strangers again.
Sometimes I still wonder if you’re happy. My heart still aches everytime I go pass the places where we spent our date nights. Even walking on the street where you live hurts. I wonder if I still cross your mind every now and then.
“And time goes by,
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?”
I accepted it as fate told me to
But in the vaguest moment with the slightest hope, I still wish it was you and me at the end, like a dream that never comes true, like a moment of de javu where you and I hold hands and kiss under a starry sky.
Good night, anh!
When you love someone so much that you’re gonna get cuts in your skin and willing to bleed to keep the person safe.
When you love someone so much that lying in their arms gives you so much happiness that you find it hard to sleep and you just want to cuddle the person until the end of time and tell them to never leave because that’d be too painful to bear.
When you love someone so much that their songs become your songs, their everything becomes your everything and their happiness means so much to you that you’re willing to do anything to keep that person from any worries or sadness.
When you love someone so much that even little things can make you so happy and you want to spend every little moments with that person just to do silly things together because you know you’re accepted and loved unconditionally.
When you love someone so much that you start to pray to never be parted even though you never believed in God before knowing them.
My thoughts of you.
I wish you never left…
I found this photo among thousands of photos I have in my phone. We looked so happy and in love. The day this photo was taken is still so vivid in my mind.
My heart aches everytime I think about the day I leave this city, this country, this place where we met and had our time together. It hurts thinking about how sad I’ll be on the airplane all by myself looking down at the place where we could have been so happy together. I’ll cry. I always know that. Leaving everything behind. Leaving you and us behind. I don’t know how it is for you now but I’m still in a lot of pain. I can still not forget. When I leave, we’ll be living in two different cities, two different countries. We’ll be looking at two different moons, two different suns at different times. We’ll be even farther away from each other than we already are. That hurts so much just to think about… I know you’re not in my life anymore but it doesn’t mean you’re no longer in my heart. It’s so hard to go on a day without thinking about you.
“And I’ll love her for life
And I’ll never let a day go by
Without remembering the reason why
She makes me certain that I can fly”
– My Valentines – Paul McCartney
We’re now walking on two seperate paths but a big part of my heart always belongs to you. I know I love you and I don’t know why I still do and why I still have so much love for you that life without you has become the biggest suffering I’ve ever had to go through. Perhaps it’s the punishment I deserve after the things I’ve done wrong. I just wish I could see you one more time before I leave. But then that idea scares me. It scares me that I’ll get hurt even more, that I’ll cry even more, that I can’t get up from the pain. Sometimes I think that it’s ok to be without you, I still need to move on and try to be normal and keep up with my life but when the night falls and it’s quiet and I’m alone, it’s the worst time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to be myself again, the self before we met, the self before my heart knew of yours, the self before I knew you were that one person…