Blue moon 

I found this photo among thousands of photos I have in my phone. We looked so happy and in love. The day this photo was taken is still so vivid in my mind.

My heart aches everytime I think about the day I leave this city, this country, this place where we met and had our time together. It hurts thinking about how sad I’ll be on the airplane all by myself looking down at the place where we could have been so happy together. I’ll cry. I always know that. Leaving everything behind. Leaving you and us behind. I don’t know how it is for you now but I’m still in a lot of pain. I can still not forget. When I leave, we’ll be living in two different cities, two different countries. We’ll be looking at two different moons, two different suns at different times. We’ll be even farther away from each other than we already are. That hurts so much just to think about… I know you’re not in my life anymore but it doesn’t mean you’re no longer in my heart. It’s so hard to go on a day without thinking about you. 

“And I’ll love her for life

And I’ll never let a day go by

Without remembering the reason why

She makes me certain that I can fly”

– My Valentines – Paul McCartney 

We’re now walking on two seperate paths but a big part of my heart always belongs to you. I know I love you and I don’t know why I still do and why I still have so much love for you that life without you has become the biggest suffering I’ve ever had to go through. Perhaps it’s the punishment I deserve after the things I’ve done wrong. I just wish I could see you one more time before I leave. But then that idea scares me. It scares me that I’ll get hurt even more, that I’ll cry even more, that I can’t get up from the pain. Sometimes I think that it’s ok to be without you, I still need to move on and try to be normal and keep up with my life but when the night falls and it’s quiet and I’m alone, it’s the worst time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to be myself again, the self before we met, the self before my heart knew of yours, the self before I knew you were that one person…


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