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Would there ever be a happy ending?

Jus finished watching “Pretty Woman”. Again. I can’t remember how many time I’ve seen this movie and I never get bored of it for some reasons. It’s over romantic. Things in the movie are not real. They can’t come true in real life. I watched it again tonight and it made me cry. I can relate to the characters so much, especially Vivian. And it made me miss him so so much. The opera. The conversations. The way both of them opened their hearts to the other person. The way they put down their guards, the masks they wore to show the other persons their true selves. The way he took care of her. The way she fell in love with him. The way they enjoyed each other’s company. They got on so well. It made me miss him so much. We used to be like them. I was carefree. I laughed all the time, even at silly things. He didn’t talk much. He just always observed me, observed everything I said, all the facial expressions I did. To him, I was special. He cared for me while I was just being who I was and that was what he loved about me. It must have been love, but it’s over now…

Would there ever be a happy ending?

It must have been good but I lost it somehow.

I want the fairytale.

I want to be married to someone I love with my everything, with my all heart. I just don’t want to get married because it’s time to do so. I don’t want to be with someone just because I’m lonely or it’s the way people want me to be. 

I wonder if he still thinks of me sometimes. I don’t know. We haven’t talked in so long. He must have forgotten about me already. 

Today I suddenly remembered the story of the grey elephant that happened a long time ago. My cousins and I were taken out for a group photoshoot one day. It was a very popular thing parents usually did for their kids back in the day. When we were at the shop, we got to choose one of the stuffed animals to carry with us as we had to go to the park for some outdoor shots and those animals would be our photo buddies kind of thing. I chose a little grey elephant while all my cousins and even my brother and sister chose nice and cute animals. When we got to the park, I realised that my elephant was rather an ugly one and it definitely didn’t look as good as the others. However I still hang onto it and strangely, I had a dear special feeling towards that ugly grey elephant. I felt sorry for him because he was not as pretty and possibly not being chosen as much by other kids. I held him so tight the whole time and I was sad when I had to return him back at the shop. It was funny and lonely at the same time. I used to be a sensitive kid who believed in fairytales.

Will I eventually be loved by someone, just like the elephant was loved my a silly little girl that day?

Will there be a happy ending and the “and they lived happily ever after” kind of story?

I don’t know. 

I just really miss him. I’ve always wanting to be with him, be spending our evenings cuddling on the couch watching movies together.

I miss you…

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One evening 

Amongst the vast sea of people out there

I still hope 

One day

I’ll find you walking towards my way, looking at me in the eyes and smile 

l.d

June 2017

I saw you again today. Or it wasn’t you. I wasn’t sure. You were standing outside one of the bars next to my work. I was trying to walk away real fast. I didn’t want you – or the person I thought that was you to see me. I just finished work, and was looking like a mess. It was a Friday evening and it was cold.  People dressed up to go out. You were in a suit. You must have just finished work and went there for Friday drinks with  your colleagues.

Oh Gosh, I miss you. I miss you a lot. You know that? I must be crazy. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re with someone that makes you happy and laugh a lot. I’m sorry. I can never make up for what I’ve done wrong. I miss you. I wish we were watching a movie together. I wish that you kissed me on my eyes. That was my favourite thing.

Oh God, I miss you…