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Unchained Melody

Just got home from dinner at Mexico with Pat. We tried out their winter menu that has just been launched a few days ago and the food was really lovely. Pat had a glass of  white wine and I had a glass of Pinot noir. We only had one drink each but the alcohol kicked in pretty fast and I talked a lot during our conversation. Works, money, relationships, etc. typical girl talks. It was nice to see her again, after quite a long time. 

I was thinking about him the whole evening. I got excited and a bit nervous when I was in the car down to Britomart. What if we bumped into each other? What if he accidentally saw me and I looked like a mess and my hair wasn’t nice? What if I saw him and my heart skipped a beat? What if…? What if…?

It’s been so long.

Why am I doing all these things this time?

Why am I still missing him so much like this?

When I was in the car going pass his apartment, I got so sad. I really miss him. I wondered if he’s still living there. I wondered if he’s with someone now. 

I just really miss him. I don’t know why.

I was crying when I got home and wrote my diary for the day. 

I really miss him.

“Unchained Melody” – Norah Jones.

I wish I knew of this song earlier. I wish I played it when we were together.

I miss you.

The memories of us stay in my heart like an unchained melody

I wish one day I could bring your love back to me. 

10.37pm

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You

you know what’s fucked up?that you can be without someone for six months, a year, five years and have mastered not thinking about them, but no matter how much time passes there will always be that moment where you see a photo of them or catch a little of their cologne on a crowded street and suddenly you’re plagued with a rapidly sinking stomach and the relentless question, “what if things were done differently?”.


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Tu sais je vais t’aimer 

11.5.2016 at 7.30pm

This day last year 

Exactly 1 year today

He came to pick me up at 7.30pm

We were texting for a few days before that. We decided to meet.

We both dressed in black 

He wore his black shirt

My favourite shirt of all 

I wore one of my black dresses

It was drizzling

We had cocktails and food at Bedford in Ponsonby 

I think he fell for me right on that first date 

He asked if he could see me again

I said I’d love too…


It was the beginning of our story

A short story 

Too short.

The ending came so suddenly 

I wasn’t ready for it

I never was

I never had

It was my fault

Not everything but yes, the main part, the main reason why we’re apart
I still miss him

Sometimes I wonder 

If he has succeeded at erasing me completely from his mind 

He should have 

He must have 


This day last year 

One year later 

I’m still alone

But this time

I’m alone with the ghost of him

The ghost of the man who once loved me deeply

I was out tonight

I was glad that I wasn’t staying home, being haunted by all the memories of the night we first met 

I looked at my watch at 7.30pm

Recalling the moment he got out of his car and we first greeted 

Everything is still so clear in my mind

In that moment

I could never have known 

It was him

It was always him

And it will always be him
Now he’s gone

I’m not sure where I will be, what I will be doing, who I will be with this time next year

I don’t know

I can’t know

I don’t have any expectations or hopes 


I’m missing you tonight 

You may not remember 

This night last year 

The first time we met 

The first time we talked

The first time we laughed at each other’s jokes

Everything belongs to the past now

They only live in my memory 
I hope you’re happy

I hope you meet the one who deserves your love

I didn’t realise I was loving you that much until it was too late

And I chose to stay away so that you could forget me, move on and be happy

I miss you 

A little too much

Tonight

11.35pm

… 

Tu sais je vais t’aimer

Même sans ta presence

Je vais t’aimer

Même sans espérance

Je vais t’aimer

Tous les jours de ma vie

https://youtu.be/YzjZXKzGxTU