After a Friday night 

I went out drinking tonight with my friend Ines in a bar in Ponsonby. We had 5 beers each in total and while in the Uber riding home, suddenly I missed you a lot. I miss the time when we were still together and we always went to Ponsonby for dinner or drinks.

I’m in bed now, thinking about you. Ines is sleeping. She’s in the middle of an emotional crisis when she has to decide whether she would stay in New Zealand or go back to France. She stays here mainly for her boyfriend. We talked a lot tonight, about everything, relationships, politics, money, her plan for the next few years, my plan of moving to Sweden to reunite with my family, etc. I was glad that she trusts me and counts on me when she’s upset.

I wish I was with you right now, being wrapped by your arms, nice and secure. I miss you a lot. I don’t know how long it would take to forget. I wish you loved me again but then I also have a wish that we never met, that my heart never knew of yours, or your existence in this world.

I had a very weird dream last night. I was dreaming that I was living in the “Star Wars” kind of universe and I was in love with Lee Min Ho – a well known Korean actor. It felt so real. The love was so sweet, tender and real that I can still taste it on my lips when I woke up in the morning. The I got all sad because I realised it was just a dream.

Good night! I miss you a lot. I’m tipsy and laying in bed with the phone in my hands. I do know I need to accept the fact that you’ve long gone – the guy I used to know, the guy I love, and even if I saw some guy on the street with that exactly same name, same face, he wasn’t you. He used to be you, not anymore. It’s just so hard this time and I haven’t quite figured out why. Something’s wrong with my heart this time. It’s really fucked up.

I hope you still think of me sometimes. I don’t know. You should have forgotten me by now and obviously you’d never want to see me again anyhow.

I miss you!


Tale as old as time 

I went to the movies to see “Beauty and the Beast” last night and honestly, I was brought back to my childhood and all the innocent yet beautiful emotions came back to me at the very first moment the movie started. “Beauty and the Beast” has always been my favourite Disney movie and I’ve waited for this version to come for so long. I always dreamt of becoming a princess and found myself a charming loveable prince. Which girl doesn’t anyway? I remember the first time I saw “Beauty and the Beast” – the 1991 animated movie when I was little. I was around 8 or 9 at the time and my cousin and I always stayed at his house watching movies and cartoons hired from the shop close to the house. Belle has always been my favourite Disney princess beside Ariel from “The Little Mermaid”. Watching the movie yesterday brought all the memories back to me when I was so fascinated by Belle’s yellow gown and the loving tenderness of the Beast. I love Belle not because she’s pretty. I admire her becaus of her fearlessness, her pure heart, her understanding and forgiving personality, her heart full of love and empathy, her intelligence and the constant eagerness for knowledge.

I didn’t realise how much I love the Beast until I saw the movie again yesterday. And I also understood why Belle and he would make a great couple. He lives with the great insecurity about his look, and the hopelessness about his fate, and all of the sorrows and suffering that turned him into the person he never wanted to become. He’s suffered a lot and been unkind to others because he’s also unkind to himself. His mind is complicated and messy but when he met Belle, a matching soul, who understands and helps him to unfold his heart, he suddenly became so loveable and tender. There comes a great lesson of “Beauty and the Beast”, that a thing must be loved before it becomes lovable. It’s become such a cliche when people always say that the inner beauty is more important than the outer beauty but not many appreciate the inner beauty at first when they’re not seeing a beautiful face or body. I made this mistake several times in life and of course I wish I never made them because I have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities to be with wonderful people just because of my initial judgement based on the outer look. That’s why I’ve always reminded myself not to judge a book based on its cover. Once you love someone, he’ll become as beautiful than ever and you’ll be surprised of how wrong you were before when you were not in love with that person and judged him by the way he looked. 

The thing that makes me happy the most after finishing the movie is not the fact that Belle got to married a prince and will be living a comfortable life in a castle with servants and luxurious things. The thing that makes my heart so fulfilled about the ending is that eventually she found someone who can understand and does not underestimate her dreams and visions, someone who appreciates her real beauty and does not care about her background. I love the scene when they sat down reading together, when they went out for a walk holding a book, when they shared the little yet meaningful moments together. I don’t care if the Beast is a prince or he’s just a normal fella, as long as he has a heart of love and empathy. The most important thing is that they find someone who they love and care for, who they want to spend the rest of their time with knowing that life is tough and the relationship is not always smooth and rosy but they strive to be together no matter what.

This tale somehow reminds me of “Pride and Prejudice” where the two main characters came from totally different backgrounds and misunderstood each other because of their pride and judgments on each other’s origins. However, they all end happily and I think it’s the way things should always be (even though in life they are not). Besides, the cast in “Beauty and the Beast” is brilliant, the music and  costume design are both very great. I definitely will watch it again soon and I’m sure I’ll always enjoy it.

“Tale as old as time

Tune as old as song

Bitter sweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun

Rising in the east

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the beast”

One day I’ll find my own beast and fall in love with him ❤