can i be your cigarette

so you can pull me out of a black dark box

so you can light me up when i’m cold

so you can keep me on your lips

so you can inhale me even though you know how toxic i am

but you don’t really care

cause you love that feeling in your lungs

can i be your cigarette

bobbySource: #tumblr



My dear I’ll be there soon

I’m lying on the moon
My dear, I’ll be there soon
It’s a quiet starry place
Time’s we’re swallowed up
In space we’re here a million miles away

There’s things I wish I knew
There’s no thing I keep from you
It’s a dark and shiny place
But with you my dear
I’m safe and we’re a million miles away

We’re lying on the moon
It’s a perfect afternoon
Your shadow follows me all day
Making sure that I’m okay and
We’re a million miles away

The safest place in the world is in your arms…



Sometime it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead


that moment

It’s officially over. I don’t know what to say. I was speechless at the moment I found out the truth. I guess I’ve never been good enough. Always too moody, too emotionally unstable, too reckless and crazy. I sighed. I cried in silent. And then I let it go. I let you go so life will be easier and better for you. Yes, she can give you what I can’t. You’d better be with her than staying with a girl like me.

I remembered when we said good bye for the last time and you said: “Let’s see what life brings us”. Those might be the last words I heard from you. And then I wished you a nice and happy life. You said nothing.

It was a nice house. A good place for young family. You’re trying to fit in. You’re trying to change to be a happy responsible family man. The moment I entered the bathroom, a small yet tidy lovely place, a thought crossed my mind. I thought that would be wonderful if this was our house and you and I could live together here. I could make you breakfast. We could lie on bed all day on a Sunday, do nothing but talk to each other, watch movies and eat pizzas. Sadly, it wasn’t our house. And you’ll never become my man.

I think it’s destiny. Even though I’m not a superstitious person, I still believe that everything happens for a reason and every person we meet in our life comes for a reason. Maybe we’re not meant to be together and I have to accept the truth. I can’t do anything to change it. And even if I do something, it would only make things worse, not better so I chose to go and stay away. That’s the only thing I can do.


It’s 6:36. What were we doing this time on Saturday? I think we were probably finding parking for the rugby game. You took me to Eden Park and it was the first time I’ve been to a rugby game. I was so excited for going to the game and I was also excited to see you again on that day. I got excited every time I saw you anyway. It’s sad, isn’t it? We had a good day. Hanging around together, having dinner at a Thai restaurant in Dominion Road and then went to the game. I was so happy and delighted and I thought “Wow, it’s such a wonderful day!”. I didn’t know it was the last time we saw each other. My heart still aches but I don’t allow myself to sit there and cry over the pain. I have no time for that. I’m too busy to get hurt. I have a million things to do. It’s good though. It helps me not to think about you. It also helps me not to feel sorry for myself. I told you that I’m a tough person but yesterday, when I was in a break at work thinking about the time we had together, I almost cried and I didn’t know why but I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All the energy had had left me and I felt empty than ever. I’ve never felt anything like that before. Having a broken heart is like having a broken rib. No one sees it but it hurts every time I breathe.

I’m writing this to remind me of today – the first day not having you in my life anymore. I’ll see what life brings us. We have to wait. But I do hope that you’re happy. I really do.

“I heard that you’re settled down
That you found a girl and you’re married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”


The game we’ve been to.

photo 1a

photo 2

I was extremely happy. I smiled a lot. You put your arm over my waist. I put my head on your shoulder.

I bought you a Coke.

We shared the box of mixed nuts.

You explained the rules of the game to me.

You said you liked me. I asked you to repeat it and you didn’t.

We never know what will happen, do we?

I hope this is the last time I write about you. It was all my fault. It was my fault for being blind, being silly, being a fool in love. It was my fault so now I’m paying for what I’ve done wrong. I let you become my happiness and that’s where I went wrong.


How long before I’m just a memory?




Food. Shelter. Love.

Wandering Bodhi

What else do you need?

I really enjoyed this recent Ted Talk by Mathias Lefebvre (aka Piano Man). His message is simple yet profound. And although it sounds idealistic and completely impossible in this current state of living, it’s most definitely something to aspire to.

He asks us this question – what do we truly need to be happy in our lives?

It’s a lot, LOT less than we think.


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New cameraaaaaaa

Bought a new camera today and didn’t have a chance to go out and take photos so I had to try taking photos in my room and it sucked. Anyway, I have to find a nice day with fabulous weather and go do some shooting. My Visual Communication class. I’m terrified right now. It isn’t like what I imagined it would be. I didn’t have a lot of expectation for this paper honestly. I think I might fail, even though this is only the first week of uni *sobbing*. However, I have to try my best. We never know what’s around the corner, don’t we? I created another WordPress blog to put all my work from that paper on and from now on, I have to keep up really hard with that page. It’s one of the criteria for the marking.

So here they are, my “taken indoors” photos. The first photos taken with my new camera.


The big drawing of EffeilTower hung up in my wall. It actually makes me feel like I’m living in an old apartment in Paris as every morning when I wake up, the first thing I see is the picture.


Such a weird hobby that sometimes I collect clothes tags and stick them on the window curtain. I learnt that habit from him, but he’s now just somebody I used to know. little one.

Yes, I used to be somebody’s little one.


Photos on the closet sliding door. If I move out one day, I’ll have to clean up that mess. Will be a pathetic sight to see.


Family pictures.


Another picture in the room.




Sunset behind the house.


Me, myself and moi 😛





The ballad of John and Yoko

Interviewer: Why can’t you be alone without Yoko?

John Lennon: But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.




Early in a Sunday morning

Sunday morning. The weather is slowly shifting to autumn/winter as it’s quite cold in the early morning and it gets dark early in the afternoon. I woke up at 5am but still on bed because it’s too cold to be bothered doing anything else at this time. The room is quiet. I can hear the sound of my fingers tapping on the phone’s screen. Tomorrow is the first day of uni after the 4-month holiday. I’m getting quite excited actually even though I’m really tired of working too hard in a long time and of my period. There are so many things to do: top up the bus card, ring to make appointment with family doctor as the pimples on on my face is getting over controlled, etc. and paying my fee too. Life goes on and I’m satisfied because at least I’m busy and always have something to do.
Cold early mornings like this always remind of the old days when I was a small kid hiding myself in blanket praying that Mom will forget to wake me up for school because it was too cold outside and getting up felt like a torture to me. However, Mom never forgot and I had to get up at 6am every morning to get ready. It was my years at primary school. When I was at school, I found it deadly boring sometimes and I wondered when those days will end and when it ends, what I might become. I’m 22 now, not at school anymore, lying on bed in my room in a city of the country that is miles away from my home. I would never expect that life will bring me this far. I always dreamt of going overseas but what happened to me was never what I imagined. Not at all. However, my life, to this point, is still wonderful and I’ve met people I’m supposed to met and I’m doing things I’m supposed to do. Life would be boring if it doesn’t hold any surprises, right?


Suddenly I miss my kid brother so much. I miss it when he was about 3 or 4 and he cried every time he watched a kiddy movie about an orphanage cat who trying to look for his mother. He was so cute and sensitive and my mother loved him so much, as if he was her little precious thing. We used to get up together and mom fed us and took us to school as we went to the same primary school. He’s 19 now, turning 20 in June. I wondered if he still remembers the old movie and the cat named Little Precious, who he used to love and feel sorry for in his childhood years. I’m not with my family. Sometimes I wish I could exchange money or things I’m having here to get some moments with them: having dinners together, talking and shopping with mom, watching a movie with my brother, etc. But I’m sure they know how much I love them and how much I want to go back to see them.
I’m happy to have a peaceful childhood and good times spent with my brother. Tomorrow is another new day and I’ll get up early to go and fulfill my dreams even though mom will not be there to make me breakfast or my brother will not be there to go to school with me.
Smile because life is exciting and beautiful!
Memories are a kind of fuel. It burns and it warms you, from inside. I miss you!!!


Me in the yellow dress with my brother in his pinky clothes and my two cousins!