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Summer breezes

I promised to myself that I’ll try to forget and not to blame myself for this melancholy mood. It’s only something that happens every now and then when I’m so emotional and sensitive. It’s a “girl” thing and I’ll be OK tomorrow when I wake up and there will be a new day waiting for me. I’m young and excited and life has many wonderful surprises to show me. I need to learn to love myself and treasure every moment of my life.

Sometimes, when I look back at the photos I took and then look at the date on them, it instantly reminds me of the days and what happened. Flashbacks. Smiles. Smells. Touches.

it never belongs to me

We were only kids. We were too young and I was so dazzled by the love I felt for you that I did not know what to do. I never expected it would happen to me and actually it did but I never regret what happened between us. It was a beautiful thing even though we were not together long enough for our love to come to fruition.

It was ours.

The feeling of your bare skin pressed against mine.

Summer breezes swept through the curtains in the room.

My black lace dress.

Late night movies.

Your hands holding mine.

I lay down, put my head in your soft pillow and closed my eyes gently. In that very moment, I felt entirely safe and satisfied because I knew I was with the one I love and I did not care what might happen tomorrow.

Now I’m moving on.

But I will never forget those memories. I always wish we were a little more mature when we first met each other. I always wish you were stronger to hold me back, to pull me towards you and tell me that you’d protect me forever.

Maybe I’m dreaming. Things never happen the way we want them to.

I’ll try not to write about you that often. I’ll try to write about me, for me.

Tonight I leave my windows open. Summer breezes. It’s nearly December. We were still so happy this time last year and now we don’t talk anymore. I always want to ask you why but I never do. I just let things be.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, I truly want you to be happy!

I know you haven’t forgotten me. I wish that you were happy. I really do.

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Part 3

lol

Third year: start the year with a novel. Lolita? No, it’s not suitable for primary school students. But there are 12 year-old girls sexually abused.

I wanna work for UNICEF to stop this.

And my husband is a policeman. He’s tall, ginger, thick beard

Yea but he’s warm and comfortable.

Sofa. One more time. Yes

Rock and roll. Will you still love me??

Guitars

Aching soul.

O

Ceiling.

Lava lamp. No they’re not.

It’s your illusion.

Come on.

We need the hit.

The hit. The attack. Something to wake us up.

Channels. Under the sea. Yea water is flowing. We are loving. We have dragons for pets.

DRAGONS PEE.

It’s only an animal

Le animal

Chat.

Le chat noir. The black cat coffee. The. Then cats become loving pets. They have many cats even under 1 roof.

le

You’re my one true love…

You’re my one true love…

B

Go.

No he’s not gna see this. Because this is my secret. I l9ve him. I wasn’t supposed to.

Roses. Butterflies.

Ballad du Paris.

Knowledge. Real knowledge. Not information. Not gossip. Human travel back in time to see what happened before they were born and how they invented and developed those machines:

GR.

Think. Who’s that? A man. Name G. Ah T.

No worries. Do you have dollars? A dime is good.

aa

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Part 2

red nails

Book heaven.

They way he holds my hands. Book piles.

Swimming pool

Red nails

White bikinis.

Red lips

Heart/shaped sunglasses.

Hahahehe. Flying home with my baby.

I prayed and prayed.

And I love my son. He’s the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

Long legs. Long neck. Giraffe. Yes. $157 millions dollars.

Other universe. There’s always at least one way to escape.

Wendy. Parter pan. I mean Peter Pan.

Parter pan.

Partner.

(to be continued…)

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What I was thinking when I was stoned (Part 1)

weed

I had lot of fun with my mates the other night. We chilled out, smoked weed and when I got stoned, I came up with many crazy weird stuff. Things usually go super fast in my mind and I have the habit of noting down what I am thinking when I get high then I can look at them the next morning when I wake up. It’s odd, I know, but sometimes I realize that I could come up with some pretty good ideas and when I read the notes in the morning, I was like “Shit, they were awesome. I wonder how could my mind even work in such an incredible way?”

I’m not saying that smoking weed is good and it should be promoted. I enjoy doing it sometimes, just to get some relaxing good time and let my mind be as creative as it wants to be. When I’m stoned, I often become really quiet and all I do is grabbing my phone and writing down as many ideas flowing in my mind as possible. It always feels fucking good I have to say. Reality becomes illusions and illusions seem so real and touchable.

NOTE: I’ve always been obsessed with “Lolita” by Nabokov and recently, I’ve fallen in love with Lana Del Rey’s songs as she’s obsessed with Lolita too and most of her songs have the Lolita theme, which is really captivating to me. All of those ideas are messy and somehow meaningless to you readers but that was what happened in my mind. And perhaps I need someone with a synchronized soul to understand them…

***

Who you love? U dreaming. When you love. H

NZ

Billie Jeans

-music in the background

-she said i am the one

Culture: couple eats meals together.

I don’t like noodles

Feed me with the blood of your heart

Chopsticks and spoons. Which one is more useful/convenient?

Chopsticks and noodles: work

Spoons and noodles: never work. If it works, so go home and go to an eye specialist.

Spoon and soup: stunning.

Charming. Slow. Classy. Boss. Virgo. He’s a vigor. Haha tryyyy

-wht r u doing???

-YOUR MOM
THATS NOT FUNNY.

Please, shut the fuck off.

No more bullshit stories. This is not a tabloid paper.

103743 why do I want to be a journalist?

-because I love taking photos

-I also want to fight against the bad guys.

-it’s getting better.

You can never find a perfect reason like this to…

Snow White in the wood.

Blue shirts

Blue jeans

Blue eyes

.

I surrender

Yes, I’m surrendering to your power.

Like Loki.

Ha, he has never loved me. Not at anytime.

Because I’m beautiful.

I’m a scarlet scarlet, singing in the garden

… Waiting for you to come and water me…

Water me

Water me

Water me

A

s

H

H

Done…/

5′ from the other universes

The audience is watching a comedy.

They are trapped in their own reality.

I never take enough.

Straws.

Summer

Strawberries…

<strawberry bottles. Happy Meal!!!>

Cute.

Pinky

Soft

Fluffy

Penguin

Auto correct.

I’ll try. I’m making an experiment.

To see.

If I miss you so much

Could the past come back and I can have one more chance?

To love you

To stop you from leaving this life

To put a jacket on you

To put some tears in my eyes

They’re crystal.

They’re diamonds

They’re real…

They are from other universes.

STAR WARS:

Cocktails.

Tuxedoes

Freaks – scary

But gentlemen

But James Franco

But James Dean. Nah, he’s nothing. He’s rubbish. He’s short and tiny.

Salad.

Excess fat.

LOLITA

Dominoes

Deep

Kiss me on my snjdndhehdd

Hey Lolita hey

Hey Lolita hey

Chloe

Karakde

Go down.

Butterflies. Yellow.

Boxes. glass boxes.

Motel room

Cheap decorators.

Sad. Black butterflies. Colorful light.

Light

Sun goes down.

Other universe:

Materialism

Hey Lolita heyyhhhhyyyyyyyewyw

Yea.

Other universe: #qwerty

You and me

Sun goes down.

Yea

Yea

Yea

Please please

Please

Blank.

Mountains. Green grass.

Fuck.

Wait what’s up?

Wait

Wait

Tut tut tut

You have to live. Your daughter loves you.

Yes

Live

Wake up.

You can be the boss

The Fourth of July.

Haha

Moving my hips.

Yea.

Deep

. I like you a lot..

Whatever. The liquor on your lips makes you dangerous

Summer. You can be the boss daddy you can be the boss.

Sick as a dog.

Cut scene:

In the audition of some studios:::

Your taste

My tongue

My feet. Curl

Smooth

Dry

I need you, babe!

$12344697774631310$

You I love

You I miss

You I hate

Oh

Yea

Deep ocean.

Waves

Mermaids.

My blood. My world. Slave. Birthday cakes.

We are forever wild.

Children.

Kids.

My lips. My taste.

Roses.

Extract.

cigi

(to be continued…)

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Like a rolling stone

A quiet night. Listening to Bob Dylan’s “Like a rolling stone” and letting my mind wander around. I don’t know exactly what I am feeling right now. Meh, who cares anyway? I was thinking of a friend of mine. Actually she’s one of my family members. She just got married to a rich successful businessman and now she’s lonely in their big mansion as her husband is away on a business trip. I never questioned whether she got married to him out of love then strangely, I’m doing it right now. Perhaps she was looking for financial stability more than looking for love. She’s not a bad woman who runs after a man’s money. She’s just like every body else. If one has a good husband with strong financial stability, life will be a lot easier for her. And she’s nearly 29, an age that a woman wants to settle down, have family and children. I don’t know. I’m so confused, and a little bit scared. What if I never meet someone that I want to commit my life to, will I end up getting married to a random guy just because I need to have a husband and to have kids before I get too old? I feel a bit sorry for her. I was about to go to ask her “Hey, what the fuck are u doing with your life? Are you happy being at home alone while your husband is too busy to spend time with you? Does he tell you that you’re beautiful everyday and make you feel loved? Do you have good sex? or now you are just a kind of flower vase he uses to decorate his house? etc.” Maybe I’m too immature to think of all the problems one has to face when they come to a particular age. But aren’t they important? I mean, love, morning kisses, an awesome sex life (Oh, why do I keep thinking about sex all day today T.T). She complained to me that she was so bored because her husband is away all the time and he never takes her anywhere. I was like “Why don’t you travel by yourself? It’s not that hard, especially with someone who has money like you.” and then I didn’t say anything because I know it’s impossible for her to do so. Traveling alone is absolutely not for her. *sigh* I feel bad seeing her living her life that way. But what can I do about it? Nothing.

Fuck, I’m crazy today. I’m angry for no reason. Actually I know what might be the reason for my anger at the moment. Oh God, I don’t want to hate people, especially people that I’ve never met but sometimes it’s hard not to hate. Grrrrrrrrrr. And I hate to call someone bitch or asshole. But yes, a bitch and an asshole did piss me off. Fuck, I should not have given a fuck about them. They’re not worth my attention. Whatever, forget about it! It has been haunting my mind for a couple of days now and I can’t be happy and cheerful.

Whatever. I’ll try to get them out of my mind. I’ll go to work then work my asses off, earn money then travel. I don’t give a damn anymore. I’m pissed off and I can murder someone right now. So let me mediate in order to relax and not to commit any crime *grrrrrrrrr*

“How does it feel?

How does it feel?

To be on your own

With no direction home

Like a complete unknown

Like a rolling stone”

Yea, I want to be a rolling stone, with no direction home. I’ll be settled down one day. One day, but not today. Or I can be wandering forever. I never know what the future has to offer. I don’t care anyway. I’m tired. I need to get a good sleep tonight. And forget all about those fuckers.

Bye. xx

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Baby, I just missed that plane

20131119-212630.jpg

Red lips. Suck a lollipop. Laugh like crazy in the car. Make jokes all the time. Piss you off. Never admit my true feelings.
Too young.
Too reckless.
Too proud.

Morning texts.
Cuddles.
Gentle kisses on my cheeks and forehead.
Telling me that I’m beautiful.
Looking into my eyes.

Have I just lost them all?
It’s too late I reckon.
To realize how true you were.
And to know how lucky I was to have someone that cares for me the way you did.

It’s too late.
It’s too late, I know.
Baby, I just missed that plane…

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Love – Lust – Kiss

“I love you in a language that I don’t fully understand. In words that I haven’t found enough courage to forklift out of my chest.”

– Rudy Francisco –

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“The best kiss is the one that has been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it reaches the lips.”

– Unknown –

IMG_1823

“How many faces, how many bodies can you recognize, with your eyes closed, only by touching them? Have you ever closed your eyes and acted unconsciously? Or love someone so blindly, you could almost feel their energy in a dark room and be moved by the powerful touch of their ideas?”

Jean Baudrilland

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