My birthday is coming, well let see, in about 2 weeks and I was like “What? Am I turning 22? This is impossible. I can’t be that old. No, I didn’t mean “old” but 22 is something too much for me to bear. I mean I’m not ready yet”. OK, so every year, at this time, when my birthday is just around the corner, I always get this kind of feeling, the Wait-I-am-not-ready-for-it-yet feeling and sometimes I got so emotional that I even wanted to crush myself into small pieces as I couldn’t stand the pressure of getting old while I still have a lot to do (I don’t know if this makes any sense). There are so much that happened in one year and as i looked back to the time of a year ago, I could see that my life was so much different from what it is right now.
I don’t know for sure what I am doing and what I really want for my life. I’m like a person who is standing in the crossroad with no clear idea of a direction or destination. I’ve changed a lot. I become more complicated, a bit more humble and I can obviously see that I’m gradually turning from a girl into a grown woman, not a completely mature lady but I’m getting there. I always want to be loved and I’ve tried to love and forgive as much as I can. It’s just that life is so difficult sometimes and I find myself so soft and fragile. I don’t know if what i experienced can be called “love” but my feelings were true, my emotions were genuine and all I wanted to do was to give that person my whole heart. Unfortunately, he did not realize how true I was and he decided to walk away, which was pretty sad but I’m moving on and keeping my life on track: doing things I like, studying as it’s always been what I want to do, working hard to pay my bills (life isn’t only about enjoying because reality does exist), trying my best to find things that inspire me and guide me to become a better person.
I don’t know when I will meet my fate. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps never. I just try to enjoy every single day of my life and treasure everything as much as I can because if I’m still be able to sit here and type these lines then I’m already luckier than many others. I’ll not complain about anything. I’m only thinking of the dress I’m wearing to class tomorrow and the cherry red lipstick that goes with it. The thought already cheers me up. The weather may not be great as it’s raining hard outside but we never know. It might be a beautiful sunny day tomorrow when I wake up in the morning. Well, no matter how the weather will be like, I’m wearing that black dress, and my funky stockings, and my gorgeous lipstick.
And I’ll remember to love myself even more because I’m a good girl and I deserve it! Muahhhhhhhhh!
Say “Hello” to the world!