Today is Sunday and in the morning, the weather sucked a bit. It rained for little while I was staying in my room, watching a funny Korean drama. Actually I re-watched it as I did see it before but because of its interesting content and good soundtrack, it still brought me lots of emotions when watching. This was my only day off in this week so no matter how bad the weather could be; I still decided to go out to enjoy some fresh air even though I just went by myself. I’ve been working so hard and I deserve a nice rest of my own. Then I got up, dressed up and went out. I had to catch the bus to town because I had no license to drive and no car anyway. But it never bothers me riding with buses because I quite enjoy it. I don’t have to pay for parking fee or worry about the traffic or anything. And it’s pretty cheap actually.
And this is my reality. Living alone. Enjoy the single life with no family and very few friends by my side. Sometimes when I think of me, I somehow get astonished because it’s hard to believe that I could be so strong to live on my own for so long without feeling sorry for myself. Anyway, the only thing I can do is to keep moving forward. I have no choice though. I just keep all the feelings for myself and try to enjoy every little moments of happiness that I can find.
I’m still upset about things with that guy. It’s normal actually. How can I forget a person so fast when he leaves quite a lot of memories in me? I’ll be alright. The only thing I need is time to heal that scratch in my heart. A tiny little scratch that he did on me. I wrapped myself in the cardigan with his body odor then somehow I found it very familiar and pleasant. I wanted to stay in that scent forever. That was him. That was a part of him. That was something proving we had loving time together. He hugged me then accidently left the scent on my skin, on my cardigan. And even though I decided not to fall into his arms again, I’m still intrigued softly by imaging the moments when we were still together. It gave me a tender feeling and at the same time, made me sad because I know it will never happen again, ever.
Tonight, after a light dinner with chicken prawn salad, I went on Facebook to talk to some friends. I once again grabbed the cardigan to see if the scent is still there but it was not. There was no longer any mark of him on my cardigan. It’s all gone, all faded away and disappeared. It turned out that I still care about him a lot. I tracked down anything reminding me of him. Then there’s nothing left. Not a single thing. But I was not sad anymore. I felt relieved. When old things pass away, something new will come. Do people sometimes say so?
I tried to enjoy the rest of the evening with trying on some party dresses, which I bought long time ago but never have chance to wear. I tried on my new pairs of earrings, new necklaces then walked around my room, pretending I was attending a wedding banquet. I found myself elegant and happy. I found that I look much prettier when I smile so I will smile more and more and more. I have to love myself before someone comes to love me. And it’s definitely a right thing to do, isn’t it?
P/S: I found this photo on Tumblr yesterday and it’s really meaningful. It’s true that we never know the right time to walk away, to have a new start. It doesn’t mean I give up on everything I find difficult. It’s just because I know it’s the right time to let it go… Anyway, they’re just some of my little things so never mind. Good night!!!! Xx