What a good day! 31.3.2013. Doesn’t it sound special? I’ve been so exhausted of working and millions other things that I don’t want to do anything anymore, even hanging out with friends or simply lazy lying on bed all day doing nothing. Everything makes me tired. I’m not even bothered of making something to eat even though I’m starving. You could say I’m the laziest person alive in this whole world but it doesn’t help at all. I’m still here, typing nonsense on my laptop and yawning all the time. But Chopin music is always excellent and no one could deny it. It 100% suits a last Sunday morning like this.
Waltzes No. 7, Op. 64, 2 in C Sharp Minor.
I don’t mean to number grandma as a thing I write about on my blog because it doesn’t seem so nice but it’s the only way I can remember things to put them in order. Whatever! I love her and it’s the only thing that matters. I had a dream last night and I saw her there, standing in a busy street, looking for someone who could give her a ride home. Her hair turns grey so quick. As I remember, when I was a kid, my cousin and I usually gathered at grandma’s place to play childhood games and sometimes we helped her to pull her grey hair out because they annoyed her so much. But back to that time, she’d still got long shiny black hair. Not anymore now and it makes me sad, a lot. She’s getting old. I can’t stop that. No one can do anything about it. I hate to admit but my worst fear is seeing my beloved grandparents getting old and eventually leaving me alone in this world. It’s scary, isn’t it? The feeling of being left behind while you can’t do anything against the unchangeable rules of life.
Yesterday, one of my cousins got married and he was the first grandchild who ever got married. It was such a great news to my grandparents. How lovely it is to see our grandchildren be born, grow up then go to work, find love and get married then have their own babies! It must be a memorable moment to grandparents. Finally they can live up to see their first grandchild start a new life with his woman. I feel so happy too. I’m happy to see them happy. But then think about myself, will my grandparents still be there, in my wedding to see me in my wedding dress? Will they be there to see me hand in hand with the man of my life and know that their little granddaughter is always happy and blessed? It saddens me so much thinking about that moment. What if they’re not there? What if they’ll never know how happy I’ll be when I have everyone I love gathering around me in the happiest day of my life? Stop getting old, grandma and grandpa. I’m begging you. I won’t ask for any lollies or new toys or extra pocket money. I’m just asking you to stay with me a bit longer then you can see me grown up, successful and happy. Please. Please.
I don’t know why in that dream I didn’t do anything to help grandma. I just stood there, observed her from behind. It felt like there was an invisible wall between us, which prevented me from talking to her. I just followed her like a shadow.
I’m sorry grandma. I’m sorry for not being there to take care of you every day. I’m sorry for going away and chasing my dreams then I can’t be with you, talk to you a lot like before. I’m sorry for growing up then you have to get old. I’m sorry but I love you very much and I’m sure you don’t need me to say it out to understand. Stay strong and wait for me till the day I get married.
Love you, forever!
2. I don’t know:
I really don’t know what to write anymore. I tend to write some more but then I ran out of mood. Leave it to the next entry. Now I need to get up, do my laundry as the sun is coming out, make something to eat then wait for everybody back home to wake up then Skype with them to see what they did yesterday in the wedding.
Bye for now!
Have a great day! XoXo =)