9 more days to my 21th birthday. I can’t believe it. How time flies! It’s gonna be a milestone in a person’s life. Being 21 means you’re fully grown up, have all the rights to do everything you want and as a result you need to be responsible for them. But I’m totally not ready. I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to be a grown woman. I can’t be a grown woman. Not yet. Time, please stop flying. I’m here, completely confused and somehow astonished. How could it be? I feel like I was still a little girl yesterday and today I’m forced to be something I’m not. Honestly I just want to be 17 or 18 forever. Those ages are the most beautiful ones. Life would be much more easier. I was young and free. I was innocent and hopeful. And most importantly, I didn’t know about pains and sorrows that later on I had to taste on the way of growing up. Everybody needs to face it, the coming-of-age. I’m not an exception. I’m just too scared. And I become more scared because I’m lonely. There’s noone to share with and noone who could understand what I’m feeling. Not many people have this problem, I guess. And it makes things harder to me. Am I the only one in this planet scared of growing up? Will it be a permanent phobia or just a temporary emotional crisis?
I’m confused because I don’t know if I’m good enough to be a reliable grown-up person. I never know if I’m good enough or not though. I just always try to be kind and tolerant as much as I can. Life always challenges me but in any case, I don’t want to turn into some kind of wicked suspicious person. I try to stay nice, honest and sometimes silly a bit. I love to look at me that way. I’m happy because I always stand on the good side. And that’s enough for me. I don’t care if I’ll never be rich or famous or never get everyone’s attention. The only thing I care about is that I never let my loved ones down as well as feel ashamed of myself.
21 years. I’ve been through 7665 days and 7665 nights in this world. Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes life smiles to me. Sometimes bad lucks come to find me. But I know I’m living a good life because whenever I think of the past, nice memories turn up more often than bad ones. They remind me of how lucky I was to be born and brought up to be a smart pretty girl like I am now. I’m young and free. I’ve been through a few bittersweets in life and I realize that eventhough I never expect bad things to happen, when they do, they teach me a lot. I’ll never grow up if I don’t experience moments which sadden or even sometimes knock me down. Then I learn to stand up and keep fighting. Now and then I have a desire that I could be a little girl forever then I’ll never need to worry about anything in life. But then I come to realize that it’s an impossible thing and at the same time, not really a good idea as well. Everyone needs to grow up to complete themselves and so do I. If I never grow up, I’ll absolutely never know about how great it is to passionately love someone, how sweet to have friends and family by my side whenever I’m in trouble. And one more thing, when I love someone big enough, I’ll wish to grow old with him. If things can last forever, we’ll never know their values.
So be brave, little girl. It’s not the end of the world to turn 21 next week. It’s just a number. You’re not getting older but becoming more mature, more reliable. As long as you still feel young, time can’t beat you. Be ready for all the new opportunities waiting ahead you. You’ll be fine. Your time will come then you’ll shine one day. Be kind. Be honest. Be lovely as always. Love yourself more. Take care of your body and nurture your soul. Keep that little girl in a corner of your heart then you’ll never feel old. Let her guide you to your dreams. Listen to what she says then you’ll never forget how you once wanted to make those dreams come true.
P/S: Things I want to do for my 21
1. Read more. (as always)
2. Eat more (not a highly recommended option but if it’s vegetable then a big YES).
3. Meet more (absolutely need to improve my social life).
4. Kiss more (Yayyyyy I like it. Opps, but my lips are not the public ones. Of course, I have my own rules to select the lucky ones among guys. Haha I’m kidding!)
5. Beat more (difficulties and bitches) *smirk*
Happy birthday to me! Definitely have a terrific one 😀