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Suddenly I wanna marry

Suddenly I wanna marry.

Just a small simple wedding without spending a penny.

And he’ll tenderly call me “My darling, Lucy”.

“Do you wanna go with me somewhere for our honey(moon)?”

He wants to go to Germany.

But I think that place is not funny.

And I whisper in his ears softly.

“Prague is my dream city”.

Prague is a­lways the city of my dream. It is far far away and in my mind, it is like a wonderful place in fairy tales with old castles, gorgeous bridge towers, great views from the riversides and of course, the lovely weather in summer. And flowers, flowers are everywhere. My Mom and Dad met there, felt in love and got married in Prague. The amazing stories they told me about their wonderful time spent there is one of the reasons that makes me want to visit this city so bad. One day, I’ll travel to Prague with my loved one and we can enjoy our ultimate love of our lives like my parents did. That would be a bless!

P/S: The “poem” above is composed by me. Hopefully it’s not awfully dumb but that’s the thing I really want to do in my life 🙂

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University girl

Since I was a little girl, I always had a great love for school. It didn’t mean that I was some kind of bookworm or a geek but I was eager for learning new things. I love sitting in the quite classroom, scanning through the textbooks and concentrating on questions I’m not able to answer properly. I feel warm and safe being in classroom. That feeling’s just so pleasant and a bit addictive. It feels like I can spend my whole life to be a student.

I spent the last two days helping my friend with her assignment. I came to her university, the one I always desire to attend, used the computers in school library and went to a lecture even when I was not a student there. That old feeling came back to me when I sit in the classroom and attentively listened to the lesson. It was great finding out that university life was much more interesting than I ever imagine. I love the feeling of walking down the small alleys in school campus, having lunches in some street vendors and carrying thick heavy textbooks in one hand while waiting for the bus. I also enjoy the feeling when I completely out of idea for the research report and I played with the pen instead of looking for information in the Internet. Everyone considered me as one of them, a normal university student. It made me somehow proud but then I felt sad. I’m not one of them.

Due to some financial and personal problems, I have to delay my tertiary study at the moment while I’m dying to go there to do all the subjects I want. I’m turning 21 this October but I still have no idea of when I can come back to school again. Time flies and I’m not young anymore. Maybe one day it’ll be too late for me to get back to school. People say that nothing is impossible and nothing is too late but then people are always controlled by million obstacles on the way to achieve what they dream of. It upsets me a lot. Sometimes I just want to cry out loud. And sometimes I even want to leave everything behind and run away alone. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and ask myself: “What the fuck am I doing here? Why do I keep carrying on with this fucking tired life instead of leaving and doing what I really want?” Then after all, I’m still here and change nothing. I’m not blaming this on anyone. I’m not saying that I’m forced to scarify my life and all the young beautiful days to assist my family. I’m just sad.

Life isn’t fair and I obviously know that truth. But being a university girl is always my dream. Honestly I deserve it much more than many people, who go to school for fun more than really searching for knowledge. So I’m writing this to remind me of how strongly I desire to be in my favourite course and also tell myself not to give up but always stay positive and step forwards no matter what. One day I will be a university girl. One day I will become a person I always wanted to be when I was little. One day I will make myself proud because after all the challenges, I finally make my dreams come true. And that day will come, I promise…

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Wouldn’t it be nice?

– Do you love me? … I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I was just asking more for information purposes to keep the video as up-to-date as possible.

– Sure, hmmm. Love is a very loaded word. Let’s see. I… I go to this restaurant every morning, and I see you there, reading. And… I love you very much. Probably more than anybody could love another person

– Wow…. And how do I feel about you?

– You’re excited about the chicken-wing thing ^^ and…. You’ve been dying to make out with me for some time now

(Kissing scene)

– Feeling better now?

– Nothing beats the first kiss!

Just watch the “50 first dates” again and completely touched by the simple but truthful conversation between two main characters. No matter this love story happen in real life or not, I still feel delighted and hopeful. Lucy (in the movie) doesn’t have memory and everyday Henry has to remind her of everything that happened then he waits for her to be ok with it and fall in love with him again. He’s really patient. Their love starts in the morning then it finishes when they sleep and in the next morning, there’s a brand-new day to her and Henry helps her to get over it.

I’m a person who’s deeply interested in romantic movies and this is one of my most favorite films. It’s not a new one but I watch it many times and never feel bored. Some people may think this movie is old fashioned and illusion. Anyway, I still love it coz it helps me to be more optimistic as well as youthful. Wish that everyone could find such an original love and be happy ever after! ^^

“Happy times together we’ve been spending

I wish that every kiss was never ending

Wouldn’t it be nice?”

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Changes

There have been so many changes since the day I left my home country to a totally new strange land, where I apparently started my life all over again. Some changes I can realize easily such as my outlook (the way I dress, my hair style or having my make-up put on whenever I go out at night, etc), my way of thinking, my personal perspective and so on. Some I hardly see until I feel that there must be something wrong with me but then I can’t figure out what it is. I just see I’m no longer the same person I used to be and things seem like they are going on unpredictably. I never thought that one day I would smoke (just sometimes, honestly) or I would live all by myself without any support from family. That’s life and I have to accept it even though now and then I get lost and I really don’t know where to go. I just keep doing the same things everyday and feel sad. I have no idea what I need to do to push myself out of this. Life can bring anything, even the most unexpected but things like these are out of my imagination. Anyway, I know myself very well and I also know I definitely get through it. I’m just sad because I feel like that dreamy funny little girl inside is leaving me quietly and she will never return. Life is so tough sometimes and it disappoints me a lot.

I live far away from my family, from all my friends and people I love. My best friend, who knew me since we were just 3 as we came to the same kindergarten, once told me that she was afraid if one day I change and forget about wonderful things we did as well as great time we spent together. I never thought of such a thing like that but after hearing her sincere words, I asked myself what if things she worried about happen and it would be too late for me to realize. I comforted her by telling her that I would never change and we will be best friends forever and always but then I wondered if one day I change. I can never tell what is going to happen and what person I am going to be in the future. Of course I never hope one day I turn into a completely different person, who has no past, no loved ones. I was terrified. I was paranoid. I was sad. I’ve never got really good relationships with people in my family. I absolutely love them, with all my heart but I have no idea why I can never be really open to them. I always try to be good, to be a reliable brainy daughter, who studies hard and pleases her parents. Everybody loves me. My mom and dad are proud of me. The thing is no one really understands me and I never explain or do things to get their comprehension. Anyway, people love in their own ways and I can’t complain about that.

Olden days will never come back. I know it for sure. Sometimes I wish I could exchange everything for some days in the past, when I was just a teenage girl, who was free care, hopeful and optimist. Money can’t buy time. Money can’t take me back to those days. I may be successful and get lots of money and do things I always desire. I may have chance to travel the world; see incredible things I always wanted to see when I was little. Then I can taste good food, stay in luxurious hotels, do some crazy things with my money. But with things already happened, I can never experience them once again. I can’t come back to days when my family was poor but always full of laughs and warmth, when my grandparents were still sound in their mind and body and when I spent every night writing down in my diaries all my secret dreams and things I want to do when I grow up.

Am I disappointing you? Did I try my best to make you proud? If I didn’t, I’m sorry. I want to make my life a wonderful one but things turn too hard and I get stuck. But I’ll keep going on. I don’t care what people would say and how terrible they would criticize me. I don’t care anymore. I’m living my life and I love you all, so much. I love you…

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Sleepless night

Another sleepless night. I’ve been having trouble sleeping recently and I have no idea what’s wrong with me. My health is definitely in need of being carefully concerned about as I haven’t had my period for nearly 2 months now (it happens all the time though), my wisdom teeth are coming through so it makes me tired and irritated sometimes, etc. I’m totally exhausted at the moment but there’s no single clue of what I should do to make things better. I’m stuck.

I had my hair dyes red the day before yesterday. I didn’t know what I was thinking on that day but apparently, I was urged to change something, no matter what the thing was. And I decided to change my hair color, red instead of light brown, which I had before. It was completely spontaneous. The hairdresser I came to was not really a good one. I mean the staffs there were very friendly but they were not professional and the products they used were not the ones with high qualities but I didn’t care much. I was so impatient to change and I didn’t really pay attention to other things. Anyway, after seeing the new color, people gave me nice comments on it and that was enough to light up my day. I am quite an impulsive person so now and then I do something that later on, I myself can’t explain what reason makes me do it.

Looking at me and my smiling, no one could tell I’m unhappy but never mind, it’s my life and I was taught to face its obstacles. I’ll find the way to sort things out then eventually solve them. Just need some more positive inner energy and I’ll be okay. My motto is “Everything will be alright at the end”. And in every case I’ve experienced, everything all turns out fine no matter what. It’s like a miracle! SMILE <3<3<3